i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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