I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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