I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
