Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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