He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
