I would go down on you faster than GM stock
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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