..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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