Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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