you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
