I just threw up on my dentist
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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