I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
