meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Someone signed my nipple.
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