when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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