I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
