If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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