just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
