Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize