I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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