you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
