i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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