u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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