yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
