My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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