There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
