i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize