I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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