Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
