they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think my moral compass just broke
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
