dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
