we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
