I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize