We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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