it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
