Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize