im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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