I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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