Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
