I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
