Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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