I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
