it wasn't lemon gatorade
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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