Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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