I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
