I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
