I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
