I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
