You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
