im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
