I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
