i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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