Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize