i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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