Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
