All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
