How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
