she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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