Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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