you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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