he shaved USA in his pubs
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
