i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
