it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
