I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
