No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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