My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
