we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
