He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
