if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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