you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
