$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
