Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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