Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
